Had a nice weekend.

Went to a party Sat night with my son. This party had guests invited that knew my husband that died. This was my sons father. He was only 2 when his father died.My daughter only a baby. It was nice for him to meet all his fathers friends. For them to see my son who is about the age his father was when last seen by most of these people. It was comforting for both of us to hear nice things about him. I miss my husband. Its bitter sweet going back to the past. Necessary part of moving forward. All happens for a reason at the time it happens. The people that are around you are not there by accident. We are there for the progression of each other.
Church was great. A boy spoke that just came back from his mission to Russia. He spoke of prayer. He reminded me to pray with intent of heart when I pray. To make my prayers more meaningful. Also to always have prayers of gratitude even for things that are hard. All in life is for our progression if we see it that way. It helps keep our minds in a positive light.

fifth day on anti ds

I think its the fifth or sixth day on anti ds. I'm calming down, not so stresses but my appetite has increased. I'm hungry all the time. I'm certain the anti ds do something to the appetite switch in your head. I hear the world has become obese. I wonder if its because so many are on anti'ds. I'd like to take a survy on how many that are obese are on anti-ds. Just look up anti-ds on this website.Or any drug. Its the patients rating drugs. Love it.
http://www.askapatient.com/rateyourmedicine.htm

Worked it out

Worked out my bill problem. As I talked to a new person, a smart person, no problem. A check is in the mail for the credit due. Why do I have to talk to so many people to finally get one to solve my problem? grr

Having a day with headaches, neck aches, shoulder aches. Just staying in side and hiding out. A bit of depression? I know I have lots to be thankful for but I just feel worn down today.

Four hours later.
Now its time for bed. I took a walk. I cleaned my room. So at least I feel I did something today. My pain is so much better then it was this morning. I am determined to make up for this tomorrow with a productive day. Maybe I needed this extra rest. I have been going full speed lately.

Insanity

Is anyone reading along of the insanity of me? Last night I had a sure pay check come in from the electric company. It wasn't suppose to since I canceled it last month. I am sending the payments in through the post office not Internet. Then I saved a bank fee for overdraft by getting a check from my son to cover it. This all happened after midnight. Today I had to sort it out. Still not sorted out. How can a simple mistake seem so big to me? Is it the ADD thing. Am I off task? I even tried to stay up till four AM to call the bank eastern time to sort it out since office closed till then. I gave up about twenty minutes before four. Then sleep till almost seven. Did I think to pray? I did but not as I should. Its much more effective to kneel by the bed and pray. I would have felt the calm but I didn't do it.
I may want to believe everything is back to normal after treatment but its not. It will be nice to see the doctor about the anti depressants that won't bring on the weight. This is not acceptable or healthy. I did yo yo back on anti ds last night and one tonight. Actually a quarter of a pill. Its needed. I must accept reality.

I am counting my blessings. Even with all the troubles, I'm so blessed. When I turn my mind to those things, I feel peace.

riding the wave called survival

I'm not on any anti ds. I think I feel better just taking them a couple of weeks. I'm sure anyone else may think that is strange. I like feeling as much as possible. I like feeling teary eyed when I'm grateful. I like feeling guilt when I need to correct something. I just had to use them when events were reaching a breaking point. I felt immediate relief. The Lexapro work very quickly for me. To be honest, I may take them now if I didn't gain a large appetite on them. I'm going to get thin and gorgeous someday in this coming year.

Ive been having a manic up week. Also had the downs. Up when I'm working and paid, down when an unexpected bill pops up. Feel like I'm treading water. Its trickle up poverty. I heard that phrase used and it fits the economic times we are in. This is how the government is helping, by taking any of the wealth left to do important business like sale new cars. I know that is old news. But it still bothers me. If I had money for a new car, I won't need help from the government. I'd go in and haggle with the dealer and certainly get the same deal the government would get me. I could go on but I don't want to have negative thoughts. Takes too much energy.

The Internet service was turned off for a few days. Helped me not knowing what is going on in the news. Better to have a rest with all of that. Also allowed me to write more of my fictional stories. I sat here with my laptop without anything to read on it so just started writing my stories. It was fun. Love expression through the written word.

I'm so tired now. Have to sleep now. Goodnight

headaches

My headaches are getting worse again. I'm also hungry all day long. Realizing its the anti ds, I'm stopping them again. Its too bad since my mood has been happy, happy, joy, joy.
I'll just have to watch myself. I love this webpage I've found. http://www.askapatient.com/rateyourmedicine.htm
I can look up most drugs to see how the patients rate them. If I need anti ds in the future, I'm going to try wellbutrin. The wellbutrin may help me lose weight. The lexapro put the pounds on. I just want to be skinny again. grrr.

Being LDS

I tutored three days last week. It was wonderful. Love working with J. J's mom was out of town till Friday.She was at her Grammy's all week. After J's mom came back I went over to her house to eat dinner, and just hang out. I spent the night since it was a drive. AS we were talking I realized she thought I had Mormon's in my family background. She always said the Mormon's saved me and they did. I was saved from making bad choices. My children also saved. This was 20 years ago. This time we talked about how it came about that I was converted to this Church. I told her my conversion story. She asked lots of questions about the Church beliefs. We watched The Testaments. Its a Church movie about the visit of Christ to the Americas. She knew a lot about it from her knowledge of art history. She feels that Christ did visit many on earth. She also has interest in the lost tribes.I had a wonderful time with all our discussions.
I haven't been able to express my beliefs to anyone in my family who is really interested in my Church. Maybe not to join but just interested as a curious person. . J's mom was getting what I was saying. It was nice. We are also very aware of each others tender times. We both have faced lots of adversity for the choices of others, and natural adversity that comes with living.

I had a great Sunday. We have a new Sunday School teacher. He is fantastic. We were learning much of the Church History. Next year will be the Old Testament. I'm looking forward to those classes.

Good day

Lots of tender mercies happening lately. I went to tutor J again today. She had a bad day at school. She works so hard at school. She also is a successful child who has been in a movie this summer. She hasn't much down time this summer. I decided she was not having the balance she needs. We went to her home and played tennis for twenty minutes to have some physical activity.She is staying at her Grandmothers while her Mother is out of town with her Dad. I'm going to tutor her again tomorrow. We will start out with tennis.
This job is really helping me. Tennis, learning, teaching. Good for my body and mind. Also J is easy to love. She is strong willed at times but my daughter is the queen of strong willed children so its normal behavior to me. I certainly have the skills and temperament to handle it.
Tonight when I got home the Deacons and Priests (12-14 year olds) from my Church were cleaning my yard. Good service project for them and a blessing for me. The yard looked so good. Better then a professional. I know I got emotional thanking them for coming over and doing this. There was a least twenty boys and about 10 adult leaders.
I've had lots of prayers answered lately. These prayers are from the beginning of summer. Just goes to show Prayers are answered in time. I really must be more patient and trusting in God's timing for answering prayers.
The anti'ds are also a blessing. Thankfully I live in a time that they are easily available. I don't like being on them too long. I like to feel emotion. That is just who I am.

Catch up

I had a good weekend. My friend took me to a movie. She was going with a couple of other laddies. she bought my ticket since I didn't have any money.So nice of her to do that. It was fun. We saw "All about Steve". The reviews were terrible so my expectations were low. The movie turned out to be very funny. I laughed so hard. I could relate to the awkward Sandra Bullock. It was a bit slow towards the end

Very nice Sunday as usual.
.
Yesterday I made tamales. Lots of work for little money. Its nice to have extra tamales in the fridge to eat.

I saw J last night. Helped her with a project for school. I was so happy to get payed for something that I enjoy. Teaching is definitely my niche. I'll be helping her again tonight. Last night I was so happy to have money, I filled up my cars gas tank. My heart was full of happiness for such a tender mercy of God.

Productive day. Wow

I started the anti ds two days ago. I'm taking a quarter tab a day. Lexapro works so quickly.
Yesterday I had the veins in my leg worked on. A jab of solution to kills the branches of veins attached to the large one we killed off with the light zap. I finally got to take off my support stocking I have to wear 24 hours after getting this done. Then I wear it during the day for seven days.I'm so glad my insurance payed for this. I know Obamacare will not pay for it.
Today I organized all my papers that was laying around on my furniture. I made files for them. I KNOW it must be the anti ds helping me focus on this chore. I'm very thankful for this.This is the last job I'd enjoy doing. I actually enjoyed this today.
I'm going to tutor J.... on Tuesday for a school project. Also thankful for this.

great night

I had a bad day, depression...I really think thats it. Began anti'ds...just half a tab.
Tonight I helped J with her homework. Got payed honorable tutor wages. Very happy indeed!! We then swam and then ate dinner. We also watched a movie.

Progressing downwards.....pull up

I had a terrible day. Very nervous. Leting everything get to me. Letting others negitive thoughts pull me down. I have a feeling it has a bit too do with my thyroid meds. Amour thyroid is not avalible at my low dose. Ony the higher one. Much higher. I talked my doctor into ordering it for me and I'm taking a quater pill which is twice as much as my usual dose. I looked online at hyperthyroidism and its my be what I'm feeling. I'm going to let it go for a couple of days then start back on the lowest dose.Today I felt like I was having a mini nervous breakdown. It was not pleasent at all. It was a waste of my time and thoughts. Mostly negitive and dark.
Tomorrow I'm going to do a turn around. I'll write about it later to see how my desire of this great day has turned around.
As I look at myself, I see myself evolving into someone better.As I loook back on who I was and challenges in my life, i do see a better, happier girl. I must stay on track. My list of dos is long but I must roll up my sleves and tackle my obsicals. I must go back to what works. That is pray, faith, work towards my goals, and what I can't do myself, I let God help me with the rest.