Tender mercies

I did my tutoring tonight. My student was so sweet. He told me he thought he could get me another student. If he does I need to buy him movie passes or something. I went visiting teaching afterwards. This is like the home teaching the men in my Church do. . Only this is what it is called for women.Visiting Teaching. And we always teach a short lesson. I went with my companion and we visit two women. We see if they have any needs. I also get a visit each month by two women who check on my needs. Everyone gets checked on this way. This time my companion told of a woman newly divorced is looking to rent. She doesn't want to be in an apartment. I got her number. We talked and she sounds wonderful. We'll meet tomorrow. . She started crying on the phone. She is going through a rough time. I mean a really rough time. We shall see.

Fountain of Youth

My home teachers were here. This is two men assigned from my Church to look after me. Everyone is assigned to someone and everyone has two home teachers assigned to them.
They were happy to hear about my tutoring. President C was very nice. He thinks I'll be fine. Just get a couple of more students and rent out my basement. That is doable. No problem. As my life progresses, doors will open. I am preparing now for the future me.
The lesson was this. There is no fountain of youth. God gives us youth one time. There is a fountain of truth. This is the fountain that gives lasting peace and happiness.
So much for my blog backwards aging. I will start a new one concerning this quest for the fountain of truth. This will be helpful to myself and my fellow readers. May we all fine our fountain of truth for lasting happiness.

What is wrong with me?

I can't believe I'm so happy to see the doctor. I will be worked in tomorrow with cindy. My sore throat is worse, Cough, and wiped out.The worse part of this. Now that I'm sick, everyone is telling get a job. I didn't stop crying to late yesterday. When I was asked, what is wrong with you. That did it. That was a flash back to hell.Tears came and came. I didn't have the ability to communicate. I've decided that others can't ever think I can be sick again. I've used up my sick leave. If I have to pretend all is good, then I have to pretend.

I'm actually thinking I might have the flu. I want to see what I'm dealing with. Taking another anti d. I really don't think I need one so much. I just want to lose weight.I have two pair of jeans, now one has worn out. I need to get into the smaller sizes. This anti d helps you lose weight and it may help with Adult ADD. I do struggle with that one. Wish I could see my ADD doctor. That is an old luxtury, I can't afford. This pill also causes sides. One is dry mouth. Its happening.Its terrible. Another side I'm concerned about is seizures. I had two bad ones years ago after my husband died.Once in a car accident. I blacked out, hit a car straight on. Didn't know what happened. Another while teaching preschool. Each time I woke in an ambulance not knowing my name or age. It was frightening. I had to take tegretal for a long time. Thats a terrible drug. At that time, I finally found a naturalpathic doctor in Texas that got me off all the drugs. He also got me off my thyroid meds. I have tried to see the same kind of doctor here. Each time I wasted money and was scammed. The day I get some extra money. I'm off to Texas to see him. His name is Dr Vonbergen and he is genius. If you live in Dallas, go to him. If you don't live in Dallas and you can afford to go to Dallas. Go to him. You will not be sorry.

With all these struggles, I God is with me, strengthening me. He is in charge and I need to let him be in charge.
I'm thankful for so many blessings.As I reflect, I have so much. Even the blessing of bad health. I will know the miracle when my health returns.. A couple of weeks ago, I received a Priesthood blessing for health. The next morning I was healthy. It was a miracle. Each day the same....a miracle. This went on for many days. Wake up feeling great, got lots done. I lost it after some time. But now I know what it will feel like when my health returns. Those that have that blessing don't know what they have, until its gone. Having good health is a beautiful thing.

follow up

Maybe I can get one of those jobs washing cars that the illegals were busted for. Talked about this in the last post. I wonder how much it pays. If I was younger and pretty, I could get good tips. I'm back to looking for a 8-5 job. Its a task. Should be an adventure but not feeling so well. I'm not having pain. That is good. My osteoporosis regiment is working. Glad I didn't take the doctors drug. Didn't need it. But I'm taking the anti d. I changed to Wellbutrin. I hope to lose weight. I've never had weight issues so this is a problem. I can't afford clothes that fit. I have enough for now. And next month I'll be a size smaller. I'm determined. I will be smaller. One thing at a time. I'm now working on focus. I'm playing games to help my mind. I've read that this can actually change brain scans. Playing brain challenging games. Tutoring is also helping with focus and memory. I feel this job is helping my health. My memory is returning. I love having the clarity when I am engaging with my student on a subject. I must admit, it was difficult at the beginning. Now my confidence has increased.

Last time posted, I was very happy. Very up beat. I had just made an appointment with a new student. Afterwards the student turned out to be wonderful. We work well together. I can see him as a great executive someday. Certainly a college graduate. I tell my students, I'm not a tutor....I'm really your educational assistant. They like the way that sounds. We work hard. We talk about what needs to be done and go about doing it. In the two hours I'm there, we work hard and quickly. This school gives so much homework. Tuesday we only did Math. Two hours of math problems. I made sure he knew his work, we did enough to test his memory then we cheated with the calculator. That was toward the end. This school is now pushing itself to compete with other top college prep schools in the area. This job really helped me feel good about my future.
So much for that. Now I face the reality of life. Get a real job. Its tough. I'm not feeling up to the task. I feel I've come so far yet not far at all. How can that be possible? A bit depressed today about the whole situation.

world gone mad ...sorry editing this once more

I see my congressman today. He is a friend. I ask him why he hasn't been on TV (I meant being the voice of ordinary people) He said he was on tv all week but most networks wanted to take about the island. I thought he must have meant Cuba. I looked on line for any video I could find of him. There he is shirtless on a beautiful island for a week as a fantasy get away. He is suppose to be alone on the island. Is he really, we all wonder. THAT is what he has been doing on TV. Talking about himself on this island? I haven't seen him on TV since I only watch the most popular clips from news shows on line. I guess his newclips weren't very popular. Who wants to hear about how he speared that fish, when we have serious issues facing our country. So that is my congressman in action. Weird. Maybe he'll pose in a calender next.....I'm just saying ....it could happen. No. Second thought. He's really not like that. He is a nice humble kind of guy.

Also I see Big bad Sheriff Joe has raided a car wash and arrested illegal immigrants washing cars for a living. Those bad people washing our cars! How dare they! It would be so nice to see Sheriff Joe's posies arresting gangs members or drug pushers. But no, he is always playing it safe. Next week it will be dead beat dads (Dads that aren't paying support to their children) getting arrested. Maybe the dead beat dads can wash cars and give the money to their children for support.
I feel like the world has gone Mad! I'm sure its been on the edge of madness for a while. I'm trying very hard not to read the news....its almost impossible. I love current events. I love politics. But till I'm stronger I must focus on beautiful positive lovely things and people .And those things are not being covered by the news media. That is what I love about Sunday. Going to Church where we can truly be edified of Spiritual things. I now teach the eight year olds. They were fantastic today. I'm having so much fun with them. Today we learned that being in Church on Sunday is time to listen to the speakers. After they listened to my lessons we had pretzels. Then we listened to this song and photos on my laptop.
I hope everyone reading this will watch this. Its so beautiful and so simple. Maybe this will link you to it on Youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uSGSvKy6Io



I'm still feeling weak. Although I'm looking forward to my new student tomorrow. He is 11 years old. I hope we get along well. I want to help him get caught up with his school work. Its wonderful that J's school is recommending me as a tutor. I am much better prepared then I was several months ago.Much of the school work is online. Its so helpful for my lesson preparation.

been run down

I worked hard this last week. I tutored J for several days. she has gone to California for auditions.I'm feeling wiped out. I either have some strange virus, or just can't keep up after having tx. I had quit my thyroid meds. That is because they quit making Armour Thyroid. I don't like anything else. I got blood taken today to check out my thyroid and other blood work. Also started my regular med for hypothyroid. Tonight I gave in and took my anti ds. If I feel great in a couple of days I'll give credit to the lexapro. How could feeling so tired be tied to depression? We'll see. I should change the title of this blog. I was so positive I'd be feeling younger. Its not happening. Yet?

I have had some nice experiences this week. I will blog about it later when I feel stronger.

strange

I've been feeling strangely wonderful since Thursday. I"ve cleaned out papers and papers. Filing everything in my office and garage. I'm feeling focused. I've met some people lately from the past. For some odd reason, this has helped me. Helped me to go on to the future by being connected to the past. Does that make sense? It does to me.